I teach women to pay attention to THE BEHAVIORS THEY ARE DOING that they think are good and are helping them prove to a man how good of woman they are when in fact those behaviors are backfiring and working against them. Those behaviors SCREAM that they don't have boundaries, don't set and enforce any. They are people pleasers and because of that they SETTLE in love and it stems from low self worth regardless of how many degrees she has, how much she money makes, where she lives and what she drives. And it's the reason they can't seem to "attract a good man".
It was 2009 and I was home, surfing the internet. I had recently discovered Gary Vaynerchuk and I was devouring EVERYTHING of his that I could find. Doing one of my Google searches, I accidentally landed on his TED Talk at Web 2.0. Gary was already speaking my language but watching him on that stage planted a seed in me.
They have no idea that all of those "beliefs" are a huge reason why they're single because those beliefs create certain behaviors. And those behaviors happen on auto-pilot. They don't know they're even doing them.
So, what do YOU value in your life? What are your priorities? I appreciate Oprah for not only leading the way for little girls but for leading by example for me, an adult woman. I appreciate her sharing her life with integrity and authenticity to let us know that we CAN be bosses, have a loving relationship with a man who adores us and we don't have to run around like our hair is on fire. We can do it all with grace and proper planning.
Here’s the other thing. You don’t even know what you’re doing or that you’re doing anything wrong! You are smart! You make your own money. You consider yourself successful. You have lots of accomplishments under your belt. How can you possibly be the one solely responsible for this? I know. It seems crazy to consider that you’re the one setting the stage for men to play you. But you do. And it’s because of behaviors that you’re doing that you’re unaware are backfiring on you and behaviors in him that you choose to overlook and/or make excuses for.
I’m not going to sit here and break down her relationship. What I WILL do is show you the BEHAVIORS that she has or does that make her high value so you can learn some thangs today. Ok?
Listen! There is NOTHING wrong with wanting more! There is NOTHING wrong with having ambition! There is NOTHING wrong with leveling UP!
Do you ever say, "There's just no good men left out here", "All the good men are married", or "I just only attract married men". I'm here to tell you that YOU choose every single man in you life. None of the men in your life forced you to have relationship with them. They waited and you chose them just as they were and later got mad because he didn't magically turn into a good man.