Linda Hayles Stay In Your Lane

Terry McMillan said it best... "Past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin. It doesn't stay recreational for long. You can't take a temp job hoping that if you're so great, you really 'wow' your boss on the temp job, you can work it into full time. That is not how relationships work, where you're going to start with the casual sex, which is the temp job, and work it into the full time, which is the committed relationship." 

Listen, you can't work backwards from this. If you devalued yourself by giving it up without a commitment from him, you can't possibly imagine that this is going to lead to a promising and committed relationship that will lead to marriage. You had sex on the 1st date.  You had sex on the 3rd date.  You provided food, drinks and your bed. This guy didn't even have to pay for anything!!! He literally made NO INVESTMENTS. He just showed up and you put hot, fresh, sex for him on a platter.  

Now, before you start to tell me about your friend who married the man of her dreams and they had sex on the 1st date. I'll tell you that your friend is the exception and not the norm.

Back to my topic. You.  Sleeping.  With him.  Many times, unprotected as well! Ouch!  Linda, that sounds so harsh!  I'm sorry that "sounds" harsh, but isn't that what you did? Sugarcoating your behaviors is one of the reasons you're stuck on the single train. 

You're an educated woman.  Why are you not being smart about choosing a partner for life? Why are you letting feelings and emotions choose for you? You already know that in the moment, it feels great. Then the next day when he goes home and doesn't call or text, you start to rationalize his behavior (making excuses for him).  You then psych yourself into thinking that because the sex was great this is going to turn into a great relationship. When he ghosts you, ignores your calls and texts you get mad.  You even have the nerve to show up to his job wanting him to "face" you and give you an explanation as to why he never contacted you again. And this is the type of behavior that men think is "crazy".  And this is one of those times you should listen to you girlfriend when she tells you, "Girl, you better think about that. You're in your feelings".  

And that's what I'm trying to show you. You let hormones create feelings. Those feelings created an attraction to this man. Yet, you didn't get to know him and his values. You slept with him and now you want an explanation as to why he's gone.  He seized the opportunity to have sex with you and left! What other explanation do you need? You did this to yourself. Ouch! LINDA, LISTEN, LINDA, STOP reading me like this!!!! I can just hear you saying that.

There is a very funny video I found on Youtube.  The comedian does a great job at explaining what I'm trying to tell you here. He uses humor and compares car insurance to the people you're dating. Some people buy premium policies while others get the basic package that doesn't come with a lot of benefits.  You can't put in a claim to a basic insurance policy. It's the same with relationships .  Watch the video below:

These behaviors are working against you and this is why you "can't seem to find a good man".  High quality men want a high value woman. High value women do things differently. 

Here's another tip for you for FREE.99.  When someone's words and their actions don't match... Always believe their actions. This is true for YOU as well. You say you're awesome, high value, an asset, this, that. But your actions PROVE that you're not because you devalue yourself with every man you meet. And that's a HUGE reason why you're still single.  You're choosing bad men and you're making poor choices by not being a woman of high value.  

So, pick a lane.  Pick your level of "coverage".  You want PLATINUM or BASIC?  

I'm teaching a workshop this weekend titled Start Dating Again.  You may be someone who will benefit from having a blueprint.  Because the one you're working with now is NOT giving you results. #sadface

If you know that's you, click on the button below and reserve your seat at the workshop this Saturday 07/15!  Let me show you how to ONLY go for the PLATINUM PACKAGE.  (wink)