Maybe It's You

If you've followed me on social media or watched any of my live broadcasts, you know I'm always telling you about the behaviors YOU do that keep YOU stuck in the cycle of choosing the wrong man over and over again and in the single zone.  

I can hear you now...  "What are you talking about Linda?  How can you tell me that I'm doing this to myself?  That's not true because I want a good man!"

Well, let me pose a couple of scenarios to you...

Jade meets a man while she's pumping gas.  He's pumping gas, too.  He flirts with her and they have a short exchange. They end up exchanging phone numbers.  She drives off and heads to work.  The whole day she can't stop thinking about how cute he was, how good he smelled and how he made her feel.  The whole day, she wonders if she should call him.  I mean, he DID give her his number. On the way home, she calls him and tells him it was great to meet him and that she was so flattered and she may even have added that she never does this...  Referring to calling men.

Next scenario...

Anessa takes her lunch break and goes to the swanky deli close to her job to pick up lunch.  While she's waiting for her lunch to be prepared a man who is also waiting for his lunch to be ready asks if he can sit at the same table she's at, since they're both waiting. She agrees.  They have a short conversation and then he says, "You're so beautiful. Do you like this place a lot?"  She smiles, thanks him for the compliment and tells him she really likes the food there.  He quickly responds, "Great!  I'd love to meet you here tomorrow.  Lunch is on me."  They exchange numbers and she's excited to hear from him.  She goes back to work and he has already texted her 3 times. They continue the exchange text messages until they both have to go home for the day.  That evening, while she's home she decides to call him.  He doesn't answer so she leaves a cute voice message. The evening continues and he doesn't call back or text.  The next morning, nothing.  She decides she's not calling him but right at 11:30am he texts and says that he can't wait to see her at lunch and he's on his way. She retouches her makeup and gets ready to see Mr. Wonderful.  

Now, these are very short for the purpose of writing this blog.  But do you see where Jade and Anessa  went wrong right from the beginning?  Jade and Anessa both had inconsistent attention from the man and that inconsistency is needed to properly condition these women's behavior. Having an inconsistent reward, the reward being the man's attention, makes the woman do all sorts of things because she doesn't know which will be the one that will get the response she wants.  Instead of the both of them asking for clarification and enforcing boundaries from the very beginning, they fall into this cat and mouse scenario where they're doing the chasing and not the men.  

Jade and Anessa are past clients whose names I have changed for the purpose of this blog post. Jade ended up getting with a man who never called her but she "fell in love" with him and turns out he never had a job more than 2 months at a time and so to help him out while he was between jobs she let him move in and 2 years later she was fed up because he never did keep a job and he constantly lied about everything.  

Anessa went through the roller coaster of being mad at him and then being whisked off her feet almost daily.  Why?  Because Mr. Wonderful was married.  And by the time she put 2 and 2 together she had already slept with him and had "feelings" for him.  Anessa stayed with this man on and off for 6 years.  

I can create a whole website dedicated to example after example of how women enable their own victimization in bad relationships.  I'm telling you, none of my clients are losers or awful women. All my clients are the ideal woman, yet they keep choosing the wrong men because they don't know what do.  Should she call?  Should she ask him why he didn't call back?  Is she overreacting? Is it OK because he spends so much money on her when they're together? 

Just like they didn't know what to do, what to say, how to recognize that this is not how a man treats a woman he's interested in, you may not know either.  It's OK.  That's why I'm here, pretty girl.  For now, know this....  YOU ARE THE PRIZE