Your “Picker’ Is Broken. What does that mean?
When I was in college I had a professor who used to say that women pick the wrong men over and over again because their picker is wrong. What is your picker? IT’s that criteria you currently use to help you determine what men you have relationships with. And it’s faulty. Your system for picking men doesn’t work.
When he said this, it made me think about how I made the decision to date the man who later became my husband. This professor is the reason Linda Hayles Coaching was born. I started to think… What made me choose him? What made me stay with him? What made me marry him?
This could be the simplest thing you do, yet the most profound. Take out a piece of paper. On one side of it write down the good traits of the last person you were in a relationship with. On the other side I want you to write down what you THOUGHT those good traits meant.
It could look like this:
Good Trait What You Thought It Meant
He has a job He’s responsible
He’s cop or military He’s structured and is a man of honor & integrity
The sex is good We’re compatible
He has small children He’ll be good with my kids
He was raised in church He has great family values and morals
He was raised by a single mom He understands my struggles and will help me
He drives a nice car He knows how to treat me special
Did he have a job but his car got repo’d? Was he a cop or military but physically abused you? Was he a cop or military and had awful credit? Was he a "man of God" and was unfaithful? Was the sex good but the only place you connected was in the bedroom? Did he have small children that he never visited or paid child support for? Was he raised in church but proclaimed to be an atheist or lied, cheated, stole, sold drugs, etc? Was he raised by a single mom that he never calls, visits, appreciates or loves? Does he drive a nice car and live in a nice house for the past 10 years BY HIMSELF?
See? You see good traits in men and you apply YOUR VALUE SYSTEM to them instead of watching his ACTIONS. What he does is the REAL indicator of his character.
My professor said “Women’s pickers are broken”. But I say YOU NEED A NEW GPS. That way you can immediately recalculate your route quickly and not waste time in dead end relationships. When you keep going after ignoring his behavior, that relationship can turn toxic, dysfunctional, co-dependent, abusive, nagging, can become a burden, it can rob you of your energy, leave you jaded and even hopeless. And this is where you start saying things like… There ain’t no good men out here.
So, how do you get a new GPS? Click on the button below and grab your copy of your GPS/Checklist. It's time you calibrate your GPS and start picking your partners for who they are and not who you wish they would be.